6 ways to get the sex you want from your man - TODAY: Relationships

6 ways to get the sex you want from your man

Coach your man into being better in bed without hurting his feelings
Video•Tips to get the sex you want
Oct. 15: Dave Zinczenko of “Men’s Health” magazine and Dr. Laura Berman on how to tell your man about your needs in the bedroom.

Today Relationship

By By David Zinczenko TODAY

Any athlete will tell you that the key to reaching peak performance is to relax and to maintain your self-confidence when the big moment arrives. And any good coach knows he must boost his player’s self-esteem while still pointing out where he needs to improve. It’s a difficult trick on the ball field, an even harder one in the bedroom.

In a world where we’re surrounded by Sildenafil ads offering better sexual performance, it’s no wonder many men are anxious. Women who watch sexual romps on prime-time shows may feel dissatisfied with their own sex lives.

But how does a woman tell her man that he’s not quite performing at his peak? Most of us have no problem complaining about neatness or driving habits or our partners’ punctuality.

When it comes to dissatisfaction in the bedroom, however, men and women alike are often afraid to speak.

We want our star player to step up to the plate. But in most cases, we don’t know how to help him improve in bed without damaging his ego.

The first step to helping your partner sparkle, however, is to realize that you’re not alone. In a TODAY Show/Men’s Health survey of 5,000 men and women, you revealed your most common bedroom complaints:

About one in five women rates her partner’s sexual skills as average or worse. But 25 percent of all women have never given their man any suggestions in bed. Main reason by far: “Afraid of hurting his feelings” (50 percent of those women who keep quiet).
And yet, men claim they are open to criticism. Fully 80 percent of men say: “Whatever you want, all you have to do is ask.” An additional 17 percent are open to feedback … if she’s “nice about it.” Only 3 percent say they don’t want to hear anything.
Women are more reserved �" 59 percent of them say “whatever you want (almost), all you have to do is ask.” Anotherness 32 percent will take feedback if it’s nicely presented.
64 percent of women say that when they’ve given their partner feedback on his bedroom skills, it’s really improved their sex lives. Among men who gave suggestions to women, 58 percent say it worked.
The best time to offer constructive criticism is during sex, according to 58 percent of men and 53 percent of women. Many sex therapists, however, say it’s better to wait until you’re outside of the bedroom to bring this up.
Men are most insecure about how long they last in bed (36 percent), followed by their size (18 percent). Among women, 22 percent of women say their partner’s lack of staying power is their biggest complaint.
Women are most insecure about their weight (40 percent), and their struggle to reach orgasm (14 percent).
39 percent of women say the biggest mistake a man makes is not spending enough time on foreplay. But 34 percent of men say it’s the area they’re most proud of.
And here’s a bit of a surprise. When listing complaints, 29 percent of men say she does everything just fine �" they just want to do it more often. Among women, that number jumps to 35 percent.
Among both men and women, one in four agrees with the statement “It’s extremely important that my partner thinks I’m great in bed. It affects my confidence in the rest of my life.”

To find the full results of the TODAY/Men's Health survey, click here.

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